The Art of Modern Business: How to effectively botch a plan, miss the goal and blame someone else.

I have 20 years invested into the ass end of the American economy: 20 years in the service industry, 20 years of retail. I have never built anything for money, never solved complex equations, fixed machines or people, or created a work of art others were willing to purchase. No.. I have spent the majority of my adult life laboring in what has become the heart and work horse of the American economy. Once this great nation built things, solved massive problems, went to the moon. But now? Now, dear friends we tackle much more down to earth topics, like whether or not french fries should accompany your hamburger, or what the return policy is at Hot Topic, or how you can schedule 3 sixteen year olds to work overlapping shifts so they don’t get lunch breaks. You might think this is a life wasted, a man of my IQ and ability should be dealing with weightier issues.. and yeah, you are probably right. But, where else can I get the guided tour of America’s economic engine? Hell, I could be the tour guide by now. I have worked in every type of retail out there, I have sold booze, Bibles, baubles and those stairs you buy for fat, short legged dogs. Some of you might assume that I have spent these years in a pseudo state of bliss marking time with fat paychecks and fatter bonuses. Alas, no. Instead, I have whiled away the time cataloging my invective, hoarding stories too numerous to count regarding every mistake one can make in business today. My mind is is like a geological furnace of hot magma, slowing being crushed by the burning weight of too many tales of incompetence and stupidity. My choices are few: death by metaphoric land slide or let loose in a volcanic eruption of truth and damnation. One thing is certain: just as you can apply heat and pressure to coal to make a diamond, the same can be said for my memories of my years in retail. Now, instead of offering up small stories of small people, I can deliver sermons on the state and condition of the retail world today. Why is this important? Well, roughly 70% of the American economy comes from the service industry, and I have to tell you, the outlook is grim.