It is annoying enough to have Brighthouse run an incessant stream of commercials telling me how wonderful they are. I could almost live with it if I didn’t have to see the same series of commercials over and over and over again. At this point it is becoming such a headache I’m thinking of switching carriers. But then again, it is one thing to run ads that promote your business, I can almost not blame them for doing it: they own the delivery system. But.. but, when the message becomes some sappy meaningless advice I have to wonder what the point is, who Brighthouse is trying to reach and how much more I can endure before I buy an industrial strength weed whacker and visit my local Brighthouse call center. The ad in question is the one where this annoying lady explains to me the utter basics of how to determine who I should and should not open my front door to. Presumably most adults make it to adulthood through the ‘don’t talk to strangers’ rule. Does this basic tenet of 21st century living fly out the window when someone buys a house? “Oh, someone rang my doorbell, I must invite them in!” Who is Brighthouse talking to here? The lady in the ad goes through great lengths to explain that it is my right and indeed not rude to kick an unwanted guest out of my house and call 911. Of course, in my sick twisted head I imagine piles of police rape reports where one of the questions asks the victim why they thought the rape might have occurred and scores of well meaning women answer: because I didn’t want to be rude and ask them to leave. Now, of course I don’t believe this is the case. Hence, the perplexity over this stupid stupid commercial. I have to imagine that the people Brighthouse might actually reach with this pseudo-informative wasted 30 seconds of time are so inept at living their lives they could not muster the effort needed to pay a simple cable bill. I suppose it is the true definition of charity when the people you are reaching out to are the ones that are incapable of buying your product. Perhaps it is I who is incorrect. Perhaps Brighthouse should be lauded for the efforts to educate the truly ignorant, this previously overlooked class of people that were somehow smart enough to purchase a house but not wise enough to not open their doors to the hordes of rapists and would-be attackers that, according to Brighthouse are roaming the streets dressed as air conditioning repair men (now there’s a group that will rape you, or at least your wallet).
I went to Brighthouse’s website to see what future commercials I might be afflicted with. Sadly, I was not surprised to see a campaign to inform the public of what you can and cannot insert into a plug socket, and a Tampa Tribune sponsored effort to educate the public on the safe handling of newspapers, which I presume to be a campaign designed to reduce paper-cuts. Orwell, you were truly a prophet.