Luddites Unite!

I took this test to see where I fall on the whole liberal-centrist-libertarian-conservative thing. Take it here. I’m a conservative libertarian, kinda falling equidistant on both sides of either ideology. My only problem is the test itself. Some of the questions were poorly written, which is to say they used inflammatory words needlessly (‘mollified’? Yea, I’m all about mollification, read it and you’ll see.”). As a person who genuinely enjoys testing a test, I couldn’t help noticing that some of the conservative leaning questions were noticeably longer (and therefor better in their details and thought structure) while liberal leaning questions tended to be much shorter. Also, some of the ideology presented was a bit mashed together. I would agree with 90% of the statement and then the test would throw in a twist at the end that seemed out of place and caused me to choose a lesser response. Perhaps that was the intent, but it didn’t seem like it was necessary. Anyway, it showed a libertarian streak in me that I hadn’t really given much thought to, so that’s interesting. Give it a go, it takes about 5 minutes.

A former employee who worked at my store before my time pulled me aside at work the other day to ask if he might be able to get his old job back. I had to concentrate to give the conversation the proper amount of respect, you see the strong odor of alcohol on the man’s breath was distracting me. As I shook his hand I noticed the sleeve riding up on his arm exposing a forearm covered in odd little cuts. His form was Buddha-like. I myself am on the round side but this guy was ready to give birth to a couple of Milwaukee’s Best. He had the air of never having worked a hard day in his life, but then again, maybe his booze breath was influencing my opinion.

Unemployment in Tampa hovers around 12% if the numbers are to be believed. Yet, I hang a ‘Help Wanted’ sign in my window and I am inundated with drug addled carnies, shysters and the boldest and the brightest of the ass end of Hillsborough County. I think I might partner with the local Sheriff’s office to see how many warrants I can clear. I’m betting I can draw in 2 to 3 perps a day. I stare these people in the eyes and ask them if they can pass a drug and background check. They nod confidently and fail either one or both. This is after me and 2 other fellow employees have taken the time to interview the schmucks and fill out form after stupid form. Did I mention I ask about the drug and background check at least 3 times (usually more). It’s OK, I got all the time in the world, really. I remember this one kid, we loved him, thought he was going to be the answer to a lot of problems. He clears the interviews, passes the reference checks, but when it comes time for the drug test.. “Here’s the thing, I LOVE to smoke pot!” This after mentioning the drug test to him countless times. So, I ask him, more out of curiosity than anything else: “How long before you can pass a piss test?” “30 days” Guy smoked the night before and had the blood shot pupils to prove it.

Oh boy, welcome to the ‘Me’ generation. We are all bright little flowers that deserve to get everything our unique narcissistic souls having coming to us. Don’t feel comfortable dressing up for a job interview? Don’t. Feel you should be able to sneak in a few six packs before seeking employment, it’s your ‘right.’ Please, lie as often as you think you need to, misrepresent yourself in every way possible to get the job, and once you are in I am sure you will prove yourself. And if not, just quit, like the 5 other jobs you listed on your job application that you worked at for 4 months or less. Hell, I bet it wasn’t even your fault. Those bastard bosses are assholes, always talking about work, and showing up to the job.. Man, that shit can really be a buzz kill.

Supposedly there are people out there struggling to feed their families. People desperate to work. Based on my personal experiences in the real world I can’t really say if this is true or not. I’m just not seeing it. A few things I can comment on, almost to the point of nausea are some of the latest trends in facial tattoos and how to buy a fake a social security card.

I’m not sure how true this is, though I beginning to suspect it isn’t, but I read a blurb from Neil Gaiman where he claims that the Nepali translation of ‘Yeti’ is ‘That thing over there’ as in:

Great White Hunter to local native mountain guide: “What’s that over there?!”

Jaded tired Guide sick of Monsterquest leaving needy messages on his Blackberry: “It’s a Yeti”

Hee hee. I love the concept even if it is more urban myth than literal fact. I myself have had a similar experience. I was once asked if I had seen a UFO. I replied that I had indeed seen a UFO. I watched with mirth as the person’s face contorted through disbelief, hints of contempt, and finally curiosity. Yes, I saw an object in the sky I could not identify. What could I say, it did not look like anything I knew. That does not mean it was manned by space aliens hell bent on abducting the more rural members of my local community, it just meant that a more knowledgeable person than myself was required to identify the flying object.

I think we sometimes forget that words have power, and more importantly how words are defined is the source of that power. That definitions can slide and shift almost seamlessly in the public mind, that UFO can go from a highly objective term to a highly subjective term in a couple of generations says wonders about the human mind. Of course, playing off the multiple meanings of words is a source of great personal satisfaction and I highly recommend it.

Hey everyone, I wanted to publicly thank Az for all his efforts in revitalizing this blog. Without his efforts I would not have been able to move from pure shite to the lower end of mediocrity. But.. but, hope springs eternal and with Az’s help and my meddling who knows where we can take this thing! Begin dream sequence.. advertising dollars are piling in, Keith Oberman resigns in disgrace after one of my scathing reviews, I’m sitting naked in a giant bean bag chair covered in orange cheeto dust, Chester Cheezy lies unconscious a few feet away, his face a mix of bright orange and cheap ruby red 2 dollar whore lipstick ..end dream. Fabulous fabulous dream.